Belarusian Roulette
by A Midnight Note
Summary: . . . I was giving up. My persistence waning. The constant rejections, the fear, they were starting to eat away at me. Soon there would be nothing left. I'll visit him once more . . . .


I was giving up. My persistence waning. The constant rejections, the fear, they were starting to eat away at me. Soon there would be nothing left. _I'll visit him once more._ I thought as a walked over to my dresser. Digging around clean clothing; I found it. I opened the barrel and emptied all but one, four bullets clinking on the hardwood below.

I trudged through the heavy snow. The crunching sound of the white flakes soothed my chaotic mind for a moment. Almost like a lullaby. Stepping up to his doorstep; I decided to play a little game to see if I should go through with this or not. I popped the barrel out, spun it and clicked it back into place. Calmly, I put it against my temple and pulled the trigger.

_Click._

"And so I enter." I stowed the gun back into my pocket. The door creaked as I entered. For a single moment, I heard the melody of keys before they fell silent. I could imagine the gloved fingers hovering, shaking, over the keys. It sent a stab through my heart to know all it took was for me to open the door.

Lightly, I padded up the stairs and stood before his study door. I felt my face fall as he stammered, "B-B-Belar-us?" Again I decided to play. _Click, spin, click_ and to my temple it goes.

_Click_.

Empty again. Giving the door a faint knock, "May I be coming in?" I heard a whimper and took it as _da_. His office was cold and my skin felt like ice. I lifted my sullen eyes from the gray wood and looked him in the eyes, which were barely visible over the computer monitor.

"Vanya?" I murmured. I only got a questioning squeak. I inhaled deeply, keeping my emotions steady, the tears at bay. "Do you want me gone?" My voice was flat without any inflection.

His head rose and his brows quirked. "Is that trick question?" Suspicion painfully obvious.

"Net." My voice was barely above a whisper. He sat in his chair properly and studied me.

"What are you to be meaning, Natalia?" His voice had returned to normal.

"I will leave, permanently, if you are wanting me to." I explained simply. I stepped closer and sat in the chair in front of his desk. He was racking his brain for what I meant, I could tell.

So I took out my pistol,_ click, spin_, and pulled out the bullet. With his eyes bulging I clarified. "Bullet will enter here," I pointed with it to my temple, "And I will be gone." I placed it back into the pistol. _Spin, Click._ And placed it in my lap, obediently waiting for his decision.

"What about your land?" He balked.

"You can be having it." There was a sliver of pain in my tone.

"Wh-what about your relations?" It seemed to me he was struggling to keep from taking the gun and shooting me himself.

"Change them. I will not care then."

"Do you care now?" He raged, his fist slamming onto the desk.

"_Net_." I spoke with a dead voice, saw with dead eyes.

He groaned, frustrated, and rose out of his chair. He stomped around the desk and crouched down so that he was face to face with me. Grabbing a hold of my small shoulders he shook me lightly. "And why not?" He demanded.

"What reason is there to care?" The shaking had left me as dead as before.

He bit down on his lower lip and I could tell it was taking a great deal of restraint not to smack me._ Go ahead. I do not care._ "There are many reasons to care about your life, Belarus."

"I am not thinking that. I am alone. I am unwanted and bothersome." I was trying to clarify this for him, but he wasn't understanding. "If I am gone, many things are made better for you, Sister Ukraine and all of world."

He shook his head viciously, "Net, we love you. We would like you to be staying, da?"

I smiled knowingly as he got up and placed his face into his palm. Quietly, I readjusted the barrel with a soft_ click_ and placed it to my temple.

I smiled with all I had and spoke with one tear running down my cheek; "_Ya lyublyu tebya"_

_**Прошли**_

I heard a shot and turned, only to whish I hadn't. Natalia was slumped down and blood was splattered across my wall.

"_Net_." I rushed to her and picked her up. "Natalia? Natasha, answer Ivan." The pleading in my voice was obvious even to me. Her head lolled back in the crook of my arm, her eyes staring at me with all the pain she had been holding back.

My mouth was gaping, that I knew. "Na-N-Natasha?" My strength broke and I leaned down, our foreheads touching.

"Natasha," I murmured roughly, "If you can hear me; _Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu_" I tear fell from my eyes and onto her already streaked skin. "Please," the word was rough and desperate on my tongue, "Please come back. I'm sorry. I am so sorry."

I leaned a little closer, and kissed her delicately, like she would break if I wasn't careful. _But she's already broken. . _I sobbed, rocking her back and forth in my arms.

_**Прошли**_

_I heard his cry, but it was too late. I would be nothing soon enough. I felt his warm arms encircle me, _Why is it so cold? Come closer, Russia. .

"Natalia? Natasha, answer Ivan." _I heard him say. And I wanted to answer him, badly. But my lips wouldn't move. Nothing would._

"If you-hear-; _Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu_" _His voice was fading in and out, or maybe I was the one fading. I struggled to stay conscious, wanting to hear his voice just a little longer. It was so rare I heard it without fear._

"Please-back. Sor-so sorry." _Again, I was going in and out, but it was getting worse. Then I felt his lips on mine. And I swear, if I had control of my face, it would have had the brightest smile. _I got a kiss._ I was so happy. I was in my Ivan's arms, he kissed me and now I could feel the slight sway of him rocking me. _

Night Moĭ dorogoĭ.

_And then silence enveloped me._


End file.
